


really really

by Ablissa



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, First Love, Fluff, M/M, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ablissa/pseuds/Ablissa
Summary: "Tell me more," Dan whispers in between one kiss and the next. "Tell me something else."Phil's brain is hazy, his insides turned to mush, so it takes him a moment to understand what Dan just said. "What?""I want to know everything." Dan's voice is soft and quiet, the kind of voice that Phil knows is reserved only for him. "Tell me something else about you."--2009!Phan. Cuddles in bed, lazy kisses, and secrets out in the open.





	really really

**Author's Note:**

  * For [obsessivelymoody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivelymoody/gifts).



> This is a birthday present for the lovely [obsessivelymoody](http://obsessivelymoody.tumblr.com)! Happy birthday, thank you for always being such a sweet, considerate presence in the fandom <3
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful beta reader [insectbah](http://insectbah.tumblr.com) for the super speedy fixes and encouragement <3

It's a perfect kind of night.

Dan is here, and that fact alone always makes it rather perfect in Phil's eyes, although it's hard to call it an _always_. Can it be an _always_ when they've only met a few times?

It can, Phil judges, because each and every time has been absolutely incredible, and tonight… Tonight is really special.

Tonight is the first night of the whole week that they will spend together, alone at Phil's house, just the two of them. Phil can hardly believe his own luck as he watches Dan watching him, his cheeks visibly flushed.

They're on Phil's bed, side by side, both laying on their backs. The lights are out save for Phil's small desk lamp. Their heads are tilted towards each other, allowing for constant eye contact. The backs of their hands are brushing, their shoulders are pressed together, and they both can't stop smiling.

No, Phil truly can't stop smiling. How could he when his eyes are allowed to bore into Dan's endlessly? He's beautiful. And amazing. And perfect. And so smart. And so funny. And so—and so _Dan_.

 

"No!" Dan startles Phil out of his enamoured thoughts as he exclaims, his voice somewhere between being baffled and amazed.

Phil quickly comes back to reality, remembering what they were even talking about before he spaced out, caught up in simply staring at Dan.

He grins and then leans in, closes the very small distance between them, and pokes Dan's nose with his. Dan starts giggling even more, so Phil remains where he was, still watching him with something akin to complete adoration.

"Yes," Phil assures him. "It's true."

"No way. That _can't_ be true."

"It is. I know, I know. It's… a little weird? Maybe?"

"But that's—Phil, that's like, unhealthy. Your parents being cousins."

Phil's expression slips from amused to horrified as he clarifies, "I said _grandparents_ , Dan! Not my parents!"

"Oh." Dan sobers up a little. He looks away from Phil, pondering what he had just heard, but soon he starts giggling again. "That's still a bit fucked up, you know."

The swear word sounds funny when spoken in this voice - so young and cute and filled with genuine happiness. Phil laughs earnestly in response, nudging Dan with his elbow.

"They weren't first cousins," Phil clarifies, then adds with a little less conviction, "I hope." 

Dan purses his lips and knits his brows, feigning a serious expression. "Oh, great. So anything after first cousins is alright. I'll keep that in mind."

Phil shifts onto his side now, allowing himself a better look at Dan. He rests his head on his outstretched arm, and with his free hand, he nudges Dan once again.

"You'll _keep that in mind_? What for?" Phil asks him. "Are _you_ planning to get together with your second cousin?"

"Maybe. Are you my second cousin?"

" _Dan!_ "

Phil kicks him in the leg, entirely unsurprised when Dan flips onto his side too, and then kicks him right back. It doesn't hurt. The only thing that hurts about Dan is when he has to leave.

"What? Isn't that some sort of a family tradition? Are you only allowed to date your cousins?" Dan teases him mercilessly.

"I hope not," Phil replies, "because I'd rather date you."

Dan's lips stretch into a shy smile that shows off his dimples. Phil somehow resists the urge to brush his fingers over them, instead choosing to just take in the sight of him.

"Oh really?"

"Really really."

Dan scoots over closer. They're close enough to kiss now, and Phil is acutely aware of the fact as he drops his gaze down to Dan's lips.

"Are you quoting Shrek to me now?" Dan asks.

"Do you _want_ me to be quoting Shrek to you now?"

"You know me," Dan replies immediately, "I'm always up for some Shrek."

Phil scrunches his nose. "Why does that sound so suggestive?"

"You're making it sound suggestive. I'm completely innocent."

"No one believes that, Dan," Phil says easily, "especially not me."

"You're the one whose grandparents were cousins, Phil. I think stuff like that probably runs in the family for you."

Phil starts laughing, and Dan follows immediately after. Phil then grabs the one pillow they're not using and smacks Dan with it, which only seems to make his laughter grow louder.

"You're the worst person," Phil says when they both calm down a bit. "I should've never told you."

Phil expects a reply to come quickly, and for it to be in that same tone, but when he looks Dan in the eyes, he forgets what they were even talking about.

"You _should_ have told me. You should tell me everything," Dan says, voice quieter, the smile on his lips now a little more subdued. "I wanna know everything, you know? Even your weird grandparents."

 

Phil rolls his eyes, but he quickly feels the loss of eye contact and looks at Dan once again. He reaches out, entwining their free hands, admiring how perfectly their fingers slot in place.

Dan seems to radiate light in a way. His eyes certainly do - they're filled with mirth and affection that is mirrored in the way that he smiles at Phil. They regard each other in unexpected silence. Dan's thumb is tracing tiny little patterns across the back of Phil's hand, and the touch makes him feel at peace.

How do they go from talking about Shrek to this, this wordless conversation that seems to pass through their very souls?

They both close the distance at the same time, allowing their lips to meet in a soft kiss that doesn't last long. They kiss again and again for mere seconds at a time, tasting each other, not trying to take it further. While kissing they scoot over until Phil's leg is between both of Dan's, simply because Phil wants every part of his body to be as close as possible to Dan.

"Tell me more," Dan whispers in between one kiss and the next. "Tell me something else."

Phil's brain is hazy, his insides turned to mush, so it takes him a moment to understand what Dan just said. "What?"

"I want to know everything." Dan's voice is soft and quiet, the kind of voice that Phil knows is reserved only for him. "Tell me something else about you."

Phil brings their joined hands up to his lips and lays a gentle kiss on Dan's knuckles. Dan smiles and does the same thing in return, but he seems to be waiting for Phil to say something.

"You already know everything. I think? I mean, we've spent so many hours chatting on Skype."

"I didn't know about your grandparents," Dan replies with a grin. "What else is there that I don't know?"

Phil scours his brain, trying to come up with something remotely interesting that he hadn't told Dan before, but it's not easy to think straight with him so close. In fact, he'd much rather hear more about Dan, because Dan is the one that is interesting out of the two of them. It's Dan that has all these memories, ideas, friends and opinions. Phil would be perfectly content just listening to him all day, really.

Or kissing him all day. Or both. Preferably both, yeah.

"I don't know… I can't think of anything when you're this close," Phil admits somewhat bashfully.

The room is dark, but Dan's smile is brighter than the sun, and Phil just wants to stare at him. Forever.

He's so happy that they will have a whole week of this. A whole week still ahead of them. A whole week of perfection.

"What, should I move away then?" Dan asks.

"No!" Phil lets go of his hand and instead rests his arm on Dan's waist. "You're not going anywhere."

"Then tell me things! Phil things." Dan's gaze reminds Phil of a puppy, except Dan is even better than a puppy, although Phil will never say that out loud. "Tell meeee."

"Uh…" Phil pauses, still trying to gather his thoughts. "I used to want to be a magician?"

"A magician?" Dan echoes. "I could see that, yeah. You have a bit of a vibe. Magician vibe."

"All I need is a cape," Phil jokes.

"I'll get you one for your birthday. Promise."

"Just get me yourself. Don't want anything else." Phil punctuates the request with a kiss on the tip of Dan's nose. "You tell me something now."

Dan chuckles lightly. "What, are we trading information now?"

"Yup! Tell meeee," he mimics Dan, which only makes Dan chuckle again.

"Ask me something then. We'll trade questions. You ask, then I ask," Dan proposes.

"Like a game?"

"Sort of, I guess?"

Phil likes his games, and although it's Dan that is competitive out of the two of them, Phil is the one that likes to keep score.

"How many questions?" he asks Dan.

Phil is entirely too lazy to get up and get a piece of paper to write the scores on, but maybe he'll remember.

Probably not.

Dan shrugs with one arm. "Three each?"

"Three each," Phil repeats in agreement. "And what do I win?"

Dan snorts quietly, shaking his head at Phil.

"It's not a competitive game, Phil. You don't win anything."

Phil pouts theatrically, trying his best to put on a miserable expression, which works just as well as Dan's puppy eyes do.

"Fine," Dan concedes before Phil even gets to say anything. "If you answer all three, you win a kiss."

"What, so I can't have one without winning the game?" Phil asks.

"Nope. Never again."

Phil makes a _hmpf_ kind of sound, then nods in agreement.

"I'm going to win." Phil pauses for a few seconds. "I mean, I don't know if you can call it winning, but I'm going to."

"What do I get, then?" Dan looks at Phil from beneath his lashes, because Dan definitely knows how to affect Phil.

"A pony," Phil blurts out in reply.

Dan stares at him, eyes wide, for a stunned moment. He then bursts into laughter.

"A pony? Really, Phil? Where are you going to get me a pony?"

"A _drawing_ of a pony, then. I can do that!"

They smile at each other, perfectly content in this little bubble, their own personal content of the world. Phil shifts slightly, his leg having gone numb a few minutes ago, and Dan quickly adjusts to the new position, not wanting to break apart from their embrace.

"You're weird, Phil Lester. Really weird."

"You love it," Phil states with confidence he wouldn't have had just a month ago.

"I love it. And you."

Upon hearing that, Phil does the thing he wants to do the most, and attempts to kiss Dan. However, Dan holds him off, giggling at his expression.

"No kissing until you win the game! Go on, ask me something."

"Cheeky."

"You love it," Dan says in the same tone.

"Yeah." Phil forces himself to think of a question to ask Dan. "Um, what's your dream holiday?"

"Japan. Duh. Way too easy." The tip of Dan's tongue slips out of his mouth as he thinks of a question of his own. "Tell me a song that reminds you of me?"

Phil's mind immediately jumps to two days ago, when he heard _I Love You Always Forever_ on the radio and thought of Dan. But that song isn't very cool, and not even Phil is that cheesy. Usually.

" _Feeling Good_ by Muse," he says instead, because that's way more up their shared alley. Judging by Dan's impossibly wide smile, it's the right answer.

"I'll take that."

"Tell me a secret I haven’t heard before?" Phil asks, not knowing what to expect.

Dan mulls it over for a moment, then replies quietly, "I never want to go back home."

 

Even though they still have almost a week left, Phil picks up on the sudden surge of sadness that he finds in Dan's eyes, and he feels it deeply. Phil does wish they could just stay like this forever. He moves his hand away from Dan's waist and instead cups his cheek for a moment.

"One day you won't have to," he says earnestly.

Dan nods. They simply regard each other, having another one of those wordless conversations until Dan eventually breaks the silence. "You tell me one I haven't heard before then. A secret?"

Phil doesn't have to think too hard this time.

"I've never been in love before you," he whispers, eyes locked on Dan's. "I mean, you know I've had like… things. But it's never felt like this."

They've long left joking territory behind, and Phil realises it when he sees the way Dan's eyes glimmer in the dark. Phil suddenly feels open, laid bare before Dan, even though they're both dressed. Strangely enough, it doesn't feel bad. No, it feels great. It feels better than anything ever did before - this open kind of vulnerability, this complete trust accompanied by such a strong feeling of infatuation, with so much more underneath it.

"Me neither," Dan whispers back, and Phil's heart skips a beat. "I mean, I thought I was, but it's—I've never felt like this before. It can't even compare."

Phil remains acutely aware of how much that means when it comes to Dan, who had a whole relationship before Phil. Phil had flings, short things and short memories, but nothing like what they seem to be trying to build right now.

It feels great.

"Thank you," is all Phil says through his slightly clenched throat, smiling at Dan and watching him smile right back.

"It's your turn to ask," Dan reminds him after another silent moment passes.

"No, it's your turn. I think?"

Phil's brain is hazy and useless right now. He's overwhelmed in a way, drunk on Dan's presence, his words and the way that Dan looks at him. He doesn't even know what to ask.

"Is it? Is it really? I dunno anymore. Um…" Dan pauses, breaking eye contact to look up in thought. "When did you first realise that you liked me?"

Phil's eyes widen as he thinks back to the not so distant past, back when they were little more than words on a screen. Messages sent back and forth in the middle of the night and all throughout the day. Tentative video calls where they were both too shy to do anything else but sit there with dumb grins plastered on their faces.

And now, he's got Dan right here. He wished for this; of course he did. But back when the thought first struck him, he had no idea if it would ever happen.

"That day months ago when we didn't talk at all," Phil replies, "when you had work and I had that thing with my parents."

Dan's brows are drawn together in confusion. "Why?" he asks, seemingly genuinely surprised.

Phil feels heat rising in his cheeks, but he allows Dan this extra question. Might as well.

"Because I couldn't focus on anything. All I could do was just—I dunno, think of you all day. I think that's when I knew I really really liked you."

Dan's gaze softens immediately. The way he looks at Phil kind of takes his breath away - like he's precious, like he's special, one of a kind. No one's ever looked at him that way.

"That's nice," Dan utters in a voice that is little but a whisper. He then adds, "Your question now, then."

At first, Phil wants to just ask him the same thing in return. It would be nice to know when the thought had first struck Dan, whether it was before or after Phil. But…

As he looks at Dan, Phil finds that he's not thinking of the past as much as he is thinking of the future. In his own heart, he knows that for months now, all the versions of his future included Dan. He can't imagine them not being together anymore, even though technically, it's only been like two months.

It's the future that he wants. The past can wait.

So he looks Dan in the eyes, and he loses himself in them briefly, but not enough to forget the question he's really wanted to ask.

"Where do you want to be in ten years, Dan?"

Ten years feels like such a long time. Phil almost wants to clarify it, change it to something more realistic - half a year, maybe a year or two. But Dan doesn't seem to find the question ridiculous - he just seems surprised, as though he didn't expect it and hadn't given it much thought.

Neither had Phil, but he wants to now. He wants to imagine the future with Dan in it, and he only hopes that it's mutual.

Dan bites his lip, seemingly thinking before responding, and Phil allows him to take his time. He knows when Dan's mind is all made up, because a warm smile blooms on his face, and he moves even closer to Phil, never breaking eye contact.

Phil's breath is caught in his throat. In a good way. In that _only-Dan-Howell_ way.

 

And then, there's a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him even closer until their lips almost touch. He doesn't shut his eyes, and neither does Dan.

They're still silent. Phil counts his own erratic heartbeats until Dan does finally speak.

"Somewhere nice," Dan says in a voice that Phil can only call loving. "With you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this fluff fest :)  
> [Reblogs](http://phanbliss.tumblr.com/post/182623019625/really-really) are always appreciated!


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